Today is the first day of my new website! Im super happy to finally have one like everybody else nowadays!. Welcome to 21st century carmen... Lol... Anyways I been talking to this cute boy!! He's foreign and has ties to important people in his country! Hes moving to the states soon, apparently he just bought some really cool historic building. i guess hes super rich or something LOL. We've just been chatting online but hes super nice. Hopefully we can meet some day...By the way, does anybody know how to change the ads? - Carmen
Friday, May 19th, 2013
Hello everybody! Wow!! Over 700 'hits' on my first day!! I hope you all enjoy my page :). Im super new to the web, so feel free to give advice!! (once i set up the guest book)!!1 Btw I put some goals on the home page that I want to do!..... But i guess you probably saw that... So that boy I told you about... Turns out the historic building is some sort of car fax abbey? I told him show me the car fax lol!! He said he wants to send me a package!! Some 'goodies' from his country :) I am excited! I have never had translyvanian snacks before... Another thing, I should probably actually introduce myself lol.... Im Carmen!!! I live in the great city of philadelphia, the city of brotherly love!!! I love it here tbh... So many oppurtunities for young professional women such as myself.... Though i do find myself distracted by Romance hahahaha...............................Btw I don't only talk to boys online.... I think i might go out to a bar tonight even and see what i can get to drink for free lol.... D (my special online boy) , while awesome and totally sweet, does not live around here lol.. so for the time being, its up the local crowd to 'pick up the slack' as they say... Anyways.. im gonna try to put a picture on here to show my outfit for the night!! Hopefully i can get it to work lol! - Carmen
Saturday, May 20th 2023
What a night!!! So as you may have seen, i got the pictures working :). I love that dress, but I hardly get to wear it out... I danced with cute boys and got drinks and was home in bed by midnight heheh.. This one boy named Jonathan gave me his number too... He's a real cutie and he is a real estate agent so hes probably loaded lol. We'll see how it progressess...... D sent me a weird text last night at like 4 am lol... It was like an audio message of some wolves howling and then he said "Children of the Night.... What music they make!" Kinda weird.... But he does have a sexy voice <3 lol... In other news, I got a kitty! Well, not a kitty, but a kitty in my heart! Ill put some pictures up so you can see her.. Her name is Ms Dracula Meowsers (the first of her name) . I love her so much already! She was a little shy at first, but now she is on my bed licking her paws lol. She still has her cone of shame on because she just got spayed the other day... poor baby.... Anyways! As you probably saw, i got a guest book and chat box working for this page! Hello to "green ghouly ghost" and Mooncake . I hope you two like my page. And for the rest of you, dont be shy! Come say hi :) I also have some new webzone goals, feel free to check them out on the homepage and let me know what you think! I was thinking about making a 'fashion zone' lol.... I think that would be fun hehe.. -Carmen
Sunday, May 21st 2003
Guess who made the fashion zone :)))))) ME!!!!! Check it out to get a better sense of who i am hehehe..... Will probably keep updating it as we move along, but i figured 32 pictures was enough for now lolz... My kitty is adjusting so nicely too! She slept next to me alllll night and was still cuddled up when I woke up this morning shes the bestest.. gotta get her some cat nip lol. I went to a coworker party last night.. Pretty fun but lots of gossip (not that I mind hehe)... I may have drank too much and had to call out of work today lolll... But that gave me a really nice day to relax with the kitty hehehe... BTW,, 'D' said his package should arrive soon... im excited!!!! Other than that, Jonathan texted me and asked if we wanted to hang out later this week..I'll be sure to keep you posted about how that goes. - Carmen
Thursday, May 25th, 2013
Hi everyone!! sorry i havent' been updating my page! ive been super busy this week... where do i even begin?!?!? D's snacks arrived.. and since then i dont know where the time has gone........ i have been seeing this girl (yes i am a lgbt.......) and i think it is going to drive me insane.. shes too cool and now i have to deal with feelings.... NOT easy... Kitty has been doing well incase you are wondering! She has settled right in... I got her a bunch of toys and now she has so many friends!!! I'll show u a picture on the side here. Remember I said that Jonathan wanted to hang out? Well.... I havent heard from him in a minute. Usually he writes back fast, but I guess he just hates me or something :( I hope hes just away on a buisness trip or something.....
Tuesday, May 30th, 2023
Hey folks!! Haven't had much to say recently...hence the lack of diary entries.... But I just got some news about Jonathan that I wanted to share! It's sort of funny, but it turns out he was on a business trip! I knew it!! What is weird though, is that he said he is away in Translyvania....... That's where D said he is from.... What a weird world. Even weirder, Jonathan said he was meeting with important people who apparetntly are looking for property here in the city....... He said he shall return soon, and i am anxious for his arrival. In other romantic news, the girl I have been seeing has unfortunately fallen ill. I recommended her to go see my good friend Dr Seward, to no avail.. Poor lucy.. The light in her eye seems duller each day, and she grows more pale as the day goes on. No ammount of food or drink seems to flush her face.. How strange.....
Monday, July 31st, 2023
First off, im sorry. Second off.Sometimes i feel like just meat or something that is made to be plugged into an outlet and get zapped with electricity. like im a object first and foremost like im somehitng for peoole to exxxtract the life force out of and leave alone in my room in the dark. it makes me cry so much even in the moment its like i can see the future and i know whats going to happen and i just cry. i have a door to the outside in my bed room that i stare at from my bed. sometimes i can hear things happenig out there but i dont have any windows in my room so i just have to gueess whats happening. i could go outside but i dont evene wanna know what would happen if i did that. last time i went out like that i tried to talk to some twink and sort of forgot that most gay men do not like girls. im afraid of who i could be. i could be cunt and cool and a and a and i could be cool and a socialite. but lowkey i feel like i have to monitor everything i do still to this day which is frustrating because like, isnt 'being who i wana be' the whole point that im doing this..... well duhhhhhhh but like when I DO do what I WANT i get FLASHED by MEN in the FITTING ROOM! So like what is going on. THe world dont wantme to succeed but the other day I watched paris is burning for the first time (i know i should have watched it yearsago but..) and I just cried and cired cried and cried and it made me apprecitate this life and my friends and how things have changed even though its scary I am so happy and I wish i had more confidence to life even more of my own life but it is jsut so scary. and so like i tried. and this guy showed me his bulge in the fitting room. I remeber the first time i went out inpublic looking cunty in a skirt i got followed 5 blocks on the way to a job interview i really wanted and fumbled the interview because i was still shaken and scared. but i can do what ever i want.i can do t his. i will be the most beautiful carmen i can ever be because im in my 20s and I wanna look fucking COOL!!!!!
Sunday, November 12th, 2023
Time flies when your having fun I guess :? I moved in August to a new place that is so much nicer than my old place. I have windows again. Sorry for the last little depressive diary entry, I think i was really going crazy in that place lol. Crazy enough to make this website and a fake character in my head that i was roleplaying as on this page. Anyways. THink im gonna try to keep updating the page now but no promises. Kinda lost a lot of my HTML skills i fear.... We will see. First I gotta go to pintrest and steal some mood board images lol. Still working retail but I might get a new job soon. An office job no less.... If I get it I will keep u updated. I remebered i had this page tonight because I was itching to type my thoughts but had no outlet. thats literally why i made this page tho. sometimes a girl just needs something to do with her fingers I suppose. tonight i ate a turkey and cheese sandwich with mayo and mustard. and some goldfish. I got some really cute ballet flats since we last spoke. wayyyy better for working in compared to my like 4inch mj's lol.... Kitty is still doing fine btw in case u were wonderring. She has so much more room in this new place and im happy for her. Oh by the way in case anyone is wondering the theme music for this page is the WaterWorld for SNES Map Music. love this song. I've used it in school projects before. its a perfect loop. when i write for this page, i listen to it. i wish it was continuous play on each page, instead of starting over. im sure theres a way to do that but idk how.
Monday, November 27nd, 2023
Happy Holidays Everyone. Hope we all had a good Thanksgiving!! What did you do? I got to hang out with my friend. He was here in the city and his gf was out of town so I went over and we ate chicken and watched something. I dont know what we watched. Actually, it was Anthony Bourdain. Love that guy. So sad. I like watching televison with my friend. He is always making interesting comments about what is going on. How he would feel, how he thinks a certain food would taste. What he thinks is in it. Different stuff like that. It's nice to have someone like that to watch something with. Makes you know they are engaged with what you are watching. I suggest finding a friend like that. After that, around 4pm, I went to my other friends house. She was cooking with her nextdoor neighbor. This friend is one my best friends. to be honest im in love with her, but im managing it. We kiss and stuf but, its different. shes my friend and i love her. And so she cooked a full thanksgiving with her neighbor. About an hour into my visit they brewed 3 cups of mushroom tea. We drank the mushroom tea about 30 mins later. About 45 minutes later, all the food was done, and we were on Mushrooms. Nobody ate anything. It was a low dose. I went home around 9:30. But it was nice to see my friends. They did all the cooking and it was all pretty good. A full thanksgiving, really.
Saturday, December 2nd, 2023
I bought a crucifix and a douche on Amazon.com. The crucifix arrives tomorrow, Sunday. The douche arrives Wednesday. Hmmm. Ive been cleaning my room more recently. No real love life updates. I could make some up, though. Only If it makes you happy. I love you so much. DO you know that? I love you so so much. If you were here right now. I love you. Im in love with my coworker. we dont work together very often but we hung out once and it was one of the best days ever. Onne time he drove me home from work. We got boba. He asked where my dates take me. I said we get coffee. He said that it? Then he dropped me off at home. At work one day i asked him if he wanted to try this restruant with me. he said yes. When he showed up at my house, he had an iced coffe for me. We went to the restaurant. We went back to my house. We sat on my floor and chatted. He doesnt smoke weed. He saw my old tide pod container full of needles. He widened his eyes and looked at me and gestured to the inside of elbow. I told him, no, i do not do drugs like that, its for my...I looked at him, i narrowed my eyes. I asked him, You know im trans right? He looked at me with the same eyes. In his most, im not sure how to call it, male voice, he said to me Uhm No I Dont Really Assume Anything. We watched Dracula 2000. I put my head on his shoulder. When the movie finished, he went home. We havent hung out since. I tried to ask once, but he said no. I gave up. I want him. Do we think he thought i was cis? OR was he being sweet? Or did he think i was a boy. I dont think he thouught i was a boy cuz he treated me like a girl and i want it and i need it and now imcrying thinking about it. it was a really special thing for me to believe in. i shouldnt have believed in it. im a fucking nerrrrd ass clocky bitch. i will never have a boyfriend. i cant give him what he wants. not without tens of thousands of dollars and several months to heal. god.
